I'm fighting a losing but nonetheless admirable battle

As is customary on one's 18th birthday, two months ago I received the following shoes from my lovely parents.

For those of you that are unaware or just don't give a shit, these are the Stinger Spikes by Jeffrey Campbell. As you can see, they are fucking fabulous but also dangerous as hell. However, the spikes are not what I am battling against: These fuckers pinch like nothing else. I could do the grown up thing and put it down to the fact I went half a size down when buying them, but instead I feel as though I really should just be blaming the shoe. 

The battle that I am fighting is the said pinching. I am sure it will do away if I break these bad boys in, but I will have to suffer through the breaking in process, and I am thoroughly terrified of the prospect. Currently, myself and the shoes are neck and neck, it's anyone's game at this point. I refuse to give up on hope, I bought nine new pairs of socks in anticipation for wearing these and I'm not going to let that slip away from me.

I've also had to curb my habit of sitting with my legs under me, because if I do that while wearing these, things start to happen. Deadly, dangerous things. 

These shoes are excellent in all the areas I didn't quite expect them to be: They're super easy to walk in (if you ignore the searing pain from the pinching) and the spikes don't fall out. So snaps to JC for that. 

But yeah currently I am glaring at the shoes from my position at the computer screen. It's getting a lot accomplished, I assure you. 

P.s I am getting mightily pissed off at the business of laying out a blog. Someone do it for me

Wait is that okay

My english teacher says rhetorical questions can be effective opening statements, so I'm going to start out with this: Is it ever okay to wear a costume on an everyday basis? I think it might be, especially when the costume item in question is spice girls related. There is never an occasion where it is inappropriate to look like a spice girl. It's why I always look so goddamn fabulous all the time.

I suppose this costume would be easier to pull off than say, a naughty nurse outfit, or a slice of pizza outfit. I am going to tentatively place this on my clothing bucket list.

Actually, thinking about it, I don't quite know why I felt the need to dedicate an entire blog post to this topic, because I blogged about using my toybox/dress up box as a free opshop a few weeks ago.

it's hard being this fabulous/poor.

Tess' daily observation

I am taking this opportunity to have a quiet vent. I was looking up that season of America's Next Top Model where they go to New Zealand, cos, u kno, I live there, it's quite exciting stuff. But there was this one blogger making fun of all the models for being excited to go there????? I'm fairly certain going overseas for free, especially somewhere as isolated as New Zealand, is a huge privilege.
It all reeked of someone who thought that all we do is shear sheep and wear organic fabrics. Which we do, I admit, but it's not ALL we do.
Anyway, I usually find that thing kind of funny, so it's okay, but then the blogger went on to write:
"and then the maoris performed this dance, it was basically fat guys slapping themselves. Hot. It's called a haka", or something along those lines.
Shhhhhhh!!!! Don't talk about things you don't understaaaaaaaaaaannndddddddd!!!! It's notttt meeeeannnntttt tooo beeee hooooottt!!!!! It's not okay to say those thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinggggggssss!!!!!!
maybe I'm just annoyed because I have my roots in maori culture and so on, so I make an attempt to understand it even though it doesn't change the way I live my every day life, but I just don't think it's acceptable for people of another country (or anyone, really, but I digress) to boil an entire culture down to shearing sheep and being fat and slapping their chests.

1/32nd of me feels discriminated against and 31/32 of me is just a bit miffed.

P.S. Hone Heke and Pocahontas should hang out.

Sometimes one dalmatian is better than a hundred and one

My best purchase of the year was made today at the gala of my old primary school. I can't think of an occasion when it will not be suitable for me to wear a bag in the shape of a dalmatian's head. The zip is also broken and there is a suspicious brown stain above the left eye, but for two dollars I can't say I'm really complaining.
The manic expression on its face is worth at least five bucks all on its own.
From the very same fair I am also wearing a polar fleece, its main design feature is the way that it's so ugly that it's actually pretty good looking. same with my two new turtlenecks and my mug with a crossed out dodo bird on it that says "don'tdon't".
I love buying useful items.

P.S. Get really excited because like 5 blog post worthy things have happened to me recently, I just haven't been bothered telling the internet about them. They mostly involve setting up a camera with a self timer and sprinting across the room in order to take an awkward and lack lustre selfie, and I have things to do.

P.P.S. I don't actually have that many things to do, I just can't be bothered doing the "sprinting" part of the process.

WAIT WAIT WAIT HOLD THE FUCK UP

Previously, when I heard the brand name "Tripp NYC" I had a very specific kind of person in mind as their customer. I could most accurately sum it up as the 14-year olds who lurk in the darkest corners of my school, wearing Glassons polar fleeces with their corsets they saved up for months to purchase.
Or the twenty year old men who lurk in a similar fashion at all ages band gigs, where fourteen year olds can show their musical prowess for playing Simple Plan and the like.
You know, clothes like these.

Turns out I was kinda wrong. Although they do create items that cater to the above groups, an actual decent amount aren't things that I would wear to a costume party. I was quite excited. Hence the all-caps post title. Sorry, Tripp NYC. I have misjudged you. 

The following (under the cut) is photographic evidence. I'd format them nicely but I gotz stuffz to do. 

let me put my life in you

Hola! (I'm feeling the multicultural vibe today)

So yesterday evening I went to a party. Yesterday morning, I realised I hated all of the clothes I currently own, a dilemma that happens about once a week for me.

I know I said the Powerpuff girls shirt would be a badass black leather but then I came to the conclusion that I quite honestly couldn't be arsed.

Anyway when the above issue happens I have a tendency to explore my family's dress up box and it usually works out for me. Things I hated that last time I explored it, I love the next time. It's like a free Op Shop in many respects.

First I found this brown glittery turtleneck, popularised by my mother in the eighties.

And then I found this purple flinstones vest I was given when I was six by my looooovely parents, realised it was fucking cool, and then sewed some sleeves on it so I wouldn't freeze to death, which is an ongoing problem in my life and damn near impossible to get around.

Oh and then I crimped my hair while watching America's Next Top model because I felt like looking like a lion. No one fucks with lions.

Let me teach you a lesson about how to get the Powerpuff girls (next up for me is monsters inc) on a top of your very own:

Buy that t shirt transfer paper, you can get it from stationary shops and the like. Finding it will be the most challenging part of creating your top. 

Find your image, put it in mirror image (on macs you can do this in iphoto, I'd investigate how to do it on windows but realistically I just can't be bothered) oh and then print it out.

cut out the lil pictures and iron your shit on your shit. Except follow the instructions. They're there for a reason, kids. use like an old white T shirt, or you can pull a me and buy white t shirt fabric from a store and keep it handy for projects such as these.

top tip: be fucking careful when you peel the top bit of paper off because you WILL burn your fingers. It is a fact of life. Being careful will somewhat limit the damage but there's only so much you can do. 

Then you can cut around the shapes and sew them on something else!!!! Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or you can just leave them on the t shirt but who actually can be bothered wearing only white t shirts anymore.

And yeah go for it. go off and become the talk of the town or something. Not that you couldn't have done it all on your own. 

Speaking of town, yesterday I because a motherfucking grownup. I went to a bar. It was craycray, I sat down and soaked up the over 18 vibes while my friends sipped on their nine dollar beers. All in all, a classy evening.

XOXO

So this is what I've been up to

I've just finished my formal writing (rant) for english, and because I have no other ideas for posts I'm going to milk this for all that it's worth. What a wanker.
Bye now.

Just dropping by even though I'm still on hiatus

There's nothing better than a bit of online shopping to distract you from the fact you have to pass a year's worth of assignments over the span of three weeks. I've had my eye on these jeans for about six months and today they went on sale for twenty pounds so I freaked out (like a responsible adult) and bought them within ten minutes. It's like a present to myself or something.
they're from motelrocks.com and they have some seriously cool stuff, especially their jeans, so check 'em out maybe. (I do so much self promoting on this blog that I feel as though I should give something back. I'm a good citizen like that.)
Toodleoo,
Tess

P.s, and this is BIG NEWS, I am currently making a black leather top with the powerpuff girls on it. Get so excited to piss, shit, and vomit all at the same time and then it comes through your nose and start coughing up blood.

p.p.s. Sorry.

P.p.p.s. I'm not actually sorry.

This time I am really on hiatus

Ripley's believe it or not: University doesn't care if you run a fucking awesome blog.
It is this reasoning that dictates my absence of blogging for the next little while, I don't have time to make the posts good and I don't want to bore you with my latest cutting edge update about my breakthrough in my history internal or whatever. Seeya when I have a lil bit of creativity coming back.

I'm off to take down my wearable arts at the nice hour of 8.30 am tomorrow so I should go to bed but other activities are so much more fun.

Anyway, bye.

To tide you over in my absence (I know you're crying about it) I suggest checking out http://www.forandagainst.com. People vote on a variety of issues and then argue about it. But, here's the kicker, they're ALL IDIOTS! Okay, most of them. Go find yourself some misogyny and homophobia today XOXO

I'm too poor to even window shop

Hey, hey. Yes. Below items. I've got my smize on you.
Woops, sorry. America's Next Top Model reference.
I'd say it will never happen again but that would be a lie, and that's not what I'm about.

After the last few days, when I was supposed to be doing my homework, I discovered that I really only achieved quite a concise "to buy" list, even though I have exactly $1 in my bank account. I could pay 1/4 of the shipping to New Zealand for something that weighed no more than a piece of paper.

It's remarkable what I can pretend to afford.

Click read more and cry about my lack of money for me please and thank you xoxoxo

plagiarism with the best of intentions

Hey, Nishe. You make nice coats. I think that if I ever have more than $2 in my bank account, I will too make nice coats. They might look a bit similar to yours in a few ways.
If you get offended, just remember when your momma told ya that imitation was the sincerest form of flattery.

I like how this would be a big deal if anyone knew or cared who I was. Currently the only big deal is that I don't know how the fuck to apply plastic gems to fake fur.

Hot glue doesn't seem barbie-licious enough.

Life's hard when you're not as fabulous as barbie.

Shut up I'm on hiatus

I'm behaving like a responsible adult and making my portfolio for university next year.
It kinda makes you realise how little you actually like the stuff that you make.
bye bye bye from bloggin' until I get my shit sorted/learn how to ignore pressing deadlines with a bit more ease.

Here's a sneak peek because
A) this will make it feel a bit more like a real blog post
B) I like the little thumbnails that come up on the side of the post when you put pictures in them, they make me feel nice and safe

Ho dang Tessa gun' be freaked out if she ever sees this. Hey gurl. Thanks 4 gettin' me into uni.

So yer this is from the good old days when I ran stage challenge costume and I sewed this all by hand and ugh my thumbs bled for days
that's fine because I had a proud parent moment when it came out on stage so whatevz
I wish I had an opportunity to make this kind of thing more often.
Brb when I've actually passed a few assignments XOXO

Why am I not: Rei Kawakubo

This is going to be nothing more than a Rei Kawakubo appreciation post.
She's kinda the shit because she kinda is the mastermind behind my favourite label of all time, Comme Des Garcons.
This is a selection from the collection I am currently the most obsessed with, Fall 2012 Ready to Wear. Although I'm not sure who would be ready to wear these.
Except Lady Gaga.
Who actually has worn one of these: The pink and blue one over in the corner there. You go girl.
As is, I accept that I am not quite Lady Gaga just yet but I love this enough to see if I can repurpose the aesthetic in any way until I create something appropriate for living my life in. Because believe it or not, Rei didn't have to consider factors such as whether her dresses would fit in just one seat on the bus. It's a challenge that I face everyday.
Bigger bus seats for all, plz John Key.
Shame if you hated this post because I will be blogging about Rei Kawakubo time and time again because she is my spirit animal and I want to steal her away and keep her for myself.
I have the pictures saved all ready for it and everything.
Prepared blogger 101
bye now.

 

Underrated Products: New Zealand themed fabrics

I am interrupting my Lilo and Stitch viewing to show you this fabric I am about to turn into the best/worst coat of all time.

Patriotism: Americans may wear stars and stripes all over their bodies (especially those infamous jeffrey campbell litas) but I dunno, I love sheep. If Jeffrey made a shoe with sheep all over them, I would consider. Or out of this fabric.

Either is acceptable.
Who doesn't love a bit of rugby or a scrum or two? (Me)
See you suckers when I am looking appropriately New Zealand friendly.


XOXO

What the shift (ohohohoho)

SOMETIMES I JUST HAVE TO USE PHOTO BOOTH TO TAKE MY PHOTOS OKAY, JUST DEAL WITH IT, DON'T BE JEALOUS

So yes this was my first foray into creating the shift dress, which I've always had a fondness for but I didn't think they were really my thing. I made my pattern using the never-fucking-ever-fail technique of "guesswork". The last time I tried to make a shift it was so tight I couldn't breathe at all and it was mid-crotch length. It sits in a sad heap in the corner of my sewing room.

I don't know what on earth went wrong last time because this is pretty much the easiest pattern I've made. Kind of like a big triangle except not.

This was one of those situations where I saw the fabric at work and bought it just because I could (shouts out to 50% discounts) and then got it home and left it sitting prettily on a shelf for about three weeks. It's actually meant to be quilting fabric, but what can I say, I hate the rules.

I am wearing a gold turtleneck underneath for reasons mere mortals wouldn't understand (have you SEEN how festive it is?)

Anyway I've already spilt bourbon and cola on it so I might just go and sort that out right about now.

Bye.
Tess.

P.s. Wearable arts was awesome to the highest degree. My eyes are sore from looking at so many different things.