Why I wish I could knit, reason one

I have such trouble with knitting. This is upsetting to the highest degree. The upsettingness of it all is heightened because I work in a store that specialises in knitting and embroidery products, so I can answer approx 1% of questions customers ask me.
I'm not really sure why this is. I can knit a square, do a few different stitches, and read a knitting pattern, but the second I try to follow said pattern things just go tits up. It's just a big loopy mess of wool, not even close to remotely resembling a clothing item.
I have cheated in the past, just knitting a giant square and then cutting pattern pieces out of it and sprinting to the overlocker, but it's just not the same as having those nice bound edges.
I wasn't too worried about this until I found this book of knitting patterns that my Nana gave me a few years ago, and I want to own pretty much every item in it.
I could either waste time and money and get an outcome that's about a tenth of the quality of the items here, or I could grovel to Nana, who can knit without looking but also slightly terrifies me.
It's a hard choice.

P.S. Just before the photos, I'd like to chuck in some fabrics bitching. I've finished the two ball dresses I previously mentioned, and oh god the second was traumatic. The first's fitting took about two minutes. The second meant hours of fiddling around with darts and pleats and it still doesn't look quite right. Maybe I should take up professional sims-3-ing instead.